He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
