It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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