tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I AM VODKA MAN
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
