I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need water and some morals
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
