i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
