somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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