Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
