Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize