I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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