I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
