trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
