I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
