Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
