Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
