toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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