I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
