Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
