Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this will be a night to untag.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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