The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize