Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
