shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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