my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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