I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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