i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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