Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
