i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
