I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
