Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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