woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
