so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
