your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
