gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
