I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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