As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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