Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
