I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
