some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
