i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
