No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
