Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
