Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
