You just made me feel so damn special
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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