Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
