I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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