I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
