she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
