I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
