96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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