you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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