if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
