On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
