my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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