I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Randomize
