a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
