...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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