I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
