I need help removing her.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
