Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
