You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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