i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
