dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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