As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
