he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
babies were throwing up all over the place
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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