she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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