Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
