Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
