Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
